I want to apologize for leaving you when I was a teenager.
I thought I would find the meaning of life in worldly things and in the flesh. It only brought wounds and scars. Meanwhile you blessed me with a wonderful husband and five beautiful children.
When my son was on the deadbed in a deep coma I called out to you and you healed him. I didn’t even appreciate it. Just because life absorbed me. I always felt you in my heart but I was not willing to put all my hopes in FAITH.
On many occasions I took risks to end my life but I am still alive because of you. Two years ago you turned around my heart and free me of any temptations. My faith grew stronger and now you are my best friend, my father, my hero and I am super excited to meet you as soon as I am taking my last breath on earth -to take my first breath in HEAVEN! Thank you for making my heart and soul so soft and able to cry and worship you all days and nights for the rest of my life. Thank you for giving me the understanding why I had to go through so many dark valleys and to see hell.
I finally can imagine heaven in every detail & finally know angels are at my side in this earthly realm. I was asking for miracles all my life and you delivered so many to me, I see them now. Everywhere! I am so grateful that you showed me a way to forgive EVERYONE who touched my life in a negative way. I am no longer living for this life, but for eternity with you. Even while writing this my hearts beats with full joy and excitement- I love you!
why did you send me here with such a weak heart?
I have to build a castle around myself to protect my heart against all the cruelty in this world. I can’t live out there anymore. It destroyed me for too long.
You blessed me so many times, saved me and took over the direction. You’ve been my guide thru all of it. How could I blame or honor myself? I was searching for answers only you provide. Now I am ashamed how I could not thank you for all my blessings. When I look into my children faces I know how you feel about us. Your children. Just holding them, smelling and touching those little noses and cheeks and tiny fingers, I could do this until the end of my days. Nothing makes me more happy. Great are you Lord. Providing me with those perfect creatures. You made me struggle hard to save my first child, ten days of coma took my strength away. And many years of pain and instability. Waiting patiently for another child many, many years. You made me feel the value of my babies on purpose from the very beginning. You saw the chance in changing my life thru them. A perfect plan. Now I see it. I don’t have to ask for more. I will only worship your name and your place we call heaven. Nothing more beautiful than looking into the light. No more darkness surrenders me. I once was lost and now I am found. Was blind, now I see. Amazing grace!!!
Realizing: GOD WAS VERY PATIENT WITH ME.
I don’t want to die, but I can’t wait to be in heaven and in your almighty lights.
No suffering, no pain, no limiting body, no darkness.
I can’t wait to see Angels. Being of lights. Souls.
I know you want us to change this earth back into an ancient, holy place.
Where we care for the nature. Care for people and all living creatures.
As perfect as you created the sun and the moon and the stars- the first heaven, as perfect you created us.
I am taking a moment to be grateful.
We are enjoying our earthly plane, but in a very egoistic way. It’s a short trip. Maybe 80 or 90 years. Packed with thoughts mainly about our future in this realm. Thoughts about the future of our soul went forgotten.
I always knew I have a purpose here. I am aware of my purpose now and we both have a lot of discussions about it. I am not struggling anymore and I will never refuse it, but only enjoy and please you. You knew my purpose from the very beginning, the time you sent me on my earth-journey. Sent into my mothers womb. It took me a long time to fight through the temptations. Finally seeing the world in its true meaning. And my purpose in it.
I belong to the kingdom of God, not anymore do I belong to the kingdom of the world.
Our attitude is full of pride. Pride is and was the first sin of humans on this planet.
Begging for more without any submission? Ugh, what a shameful behavior. You, who created everything, are listening to each of our prayers. How can you not be full of fury against us??? I am.
We cannot ask for so much, without worshipping your gift and your grace!
For those much is given, much is required! I will raise my hands to heaven, praying, praising the lord!!!
As a human being it is hard to understand- we are born with a shell which will fade away.
But we are supernatural beings living in a natural body.
I can’t wait to be back in my fathers home as a supernatural being with this soul I learned to love.
why did you send me to this city?
Los Angeles, the city of angels. Supposed to be full of dreams and hopes for many, often lost in their agenda.
Now I understand your plan. Finally healed from all my sins & forgiven of failures. You taught me here to resist all temptations.
Full of joy and love I can write you a letter of thankfulness. I am grateful for your plan.
Who thought I can find my peace in a city of crime & teaser? Thank you for sending me to the right places and guide me through a severe voyage to such a wonderful destination.
There is hope for the hopeless. Always. Now I know that. Earth has no sorrow that heaven can’t cure.
I can’t wait to meet you. I can’t wait to enter your kingdom. It’s perfectly stored in my brain and dreams. Full of beautiful colors, animals, angels, peace & joy! Living water and brightest lights! Pure love!!!
Lay down your heart and come as you are. Thank you for printing this words on my soul.
I stand here with faith, every fear of the unknown- I did overcome.
Thank you for making me curious and conscious enough to fight my way through to you. Power of darkness ruled my life for too long.
I am free.
I need to clarify something. I totally trust you. When you created us, human beings, you gave us free will. Surely this created the sin and the Satan.
But I still don’t understand how you could allow all the shame, barbaric states and the slaughter to happen.
If I read through the Old Testament I am shivering and shocked. All the cruel sacrifices. All the wars and slaughters. The Israelites need to fight their land back constantly. Stories full of manslaughters.
Before all that, when you decided to clean the world and save only Noah and his family, I can’t even think about all the thousands of families dying.
Or when King David sleeps with Bathseba and steals the wife from his best friend forever, it breaks my heart.
When you kill all the firstborn sons of the Egyptians, I have to close the bible for a while.
I know…every disaster results in a progress and we wouldn’t be here when all this never happened.
But is it better?
Honestly God, I try to hide from all the cruelty nonstop. Most of the animals are going to be extinguished in the next 100 years. Our planet is full of trash. We have islands in the sea consist of only plastic. Humans are mean and selfish. They kill millions animals every day, hour, second! You can not walk on the streets at night, because you can be killed or hit by a car and they won’t help you but run away. This happens in my city every night. We are hiding in our houses with alarm systems like in jail.
When Jesus came, your own son, he took our sins with him. I live in inner peace with myself since having a relationship with your son.
But I still can’t stand this world!
I am sorry.
Your creation is beautiful. The sky with the stars, the different countries with various natures. All the beautiful animals. It’s amazing. I wish I could just enjoy your creation in peace with humans and animals!
But instead I need to make sure my children are safe, all the time! I need to shut my ears and close my eyes to turn away from all the misery!!! Constantly!
If you can’t change it, PLEASE make me more ignorant, more rough, more careless! Please.
Because I am struggling.